She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
