My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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