smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
