dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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