How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
