the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
