I think i sorta joined a cult last night
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
