You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
