Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
