so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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