smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Where did you get a picture of my penis
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize