Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
