12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Barsexuality is the new black.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
