was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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