Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
