Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
