3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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