I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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