did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
