You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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