girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think I sprained my soul last night
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
