It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
