she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
