and she was petting her beer can
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
