Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
