I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
