I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
