I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
