yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize