I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
