If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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