Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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