why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
