Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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