If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
