i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
