so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
