it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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