I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
