Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
