Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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