Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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