Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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