I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
