All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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