vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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