singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
