We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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