She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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