can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
