Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My balls are so social today.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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