The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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