I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
