My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize