Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
