Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
