you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
