sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
