i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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