How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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