I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Randomize
