Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
