How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
