we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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