I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
