Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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