The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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