if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
