i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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