you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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