My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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