It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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