I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
