I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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