Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My dick has a subreddit
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
