Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
