Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
