guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
