i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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