swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
