Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
