so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
