I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
