I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
As shirtless as possible
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
