we're chasing vodka with high fives
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
