when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize