Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
