Non-Jews are for practice
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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