i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
