yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
