I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
