There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
